Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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