I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night