I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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