My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
