The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
