I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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