I must be too annoying 4 u.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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