A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
