I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
