Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
