Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
