Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
