My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
