i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Randomize
