hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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