just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
