I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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