NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
