# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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