We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
