So drunk its hurt
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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