i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
