Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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