I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
