AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
