med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
