If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
