yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
