the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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