the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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