she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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