Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
