Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
