Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
