nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
