hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
