dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wish my penis had a tongue
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
