my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
