the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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