Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
cat food counts as protein by the way
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
