Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
