This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
