if i can run in heels then i can drive
Soap is not a condiment
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
