pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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