dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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