don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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