watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
