Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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