I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
