In the future we'll all be gay
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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