i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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