Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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