my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
