the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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