As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
