i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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