It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
