It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
