I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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