Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
