I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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