How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
