elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
