I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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