She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
