Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
