You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
