Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
