that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
