you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
