Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
