I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
