it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
