Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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