oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am one with the molecules
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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