There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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