i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
